Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
