He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
