You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i think i have two assholes
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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