everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize