You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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