So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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