do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
