I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
