Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
