so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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