It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize