I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
