My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
