we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
