at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
