I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
