i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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