my phone needs a breathalizer
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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