Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
