Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
