Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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