I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
