Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
