a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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