Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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