Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
