Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
