Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So. Much. Porn.
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