I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
