I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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