remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
