Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
