is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize