i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
