Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
