I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
