theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
