I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she pinky promised me she was 18
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
