Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
