she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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