did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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