you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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