he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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