Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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