i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
