I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
