dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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