I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We need to get me chipped asap
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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