This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize