It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
