So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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