he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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