I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
