Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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