I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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