the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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