I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
