just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
