she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
