..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
