Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
it glows. i had to have it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize