Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
