YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
