I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize