I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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