Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
