so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
