You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
