talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
