its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize