It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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