And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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