shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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