Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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