Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
