Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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