She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
