Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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