im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
