I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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