i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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