Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
