Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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