remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
