I faked an abortion last night.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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