batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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