i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize